Final copy for Manual
Cover:
A Human's Guide to Cylons
Page 1:
Welcome to that future you were warned about.
Greystone Industries is pleased to unveil the Cylon Model U87; the only robot available in stores that can do the dishes and demobilize trespassers in a matter of seconds.
Billions of cubits and countless hours in the lab have resulted in the most sophisticated piece of robotic machinery ever made. Fortunately for you, this metallic wonder is available for purchase and use in whatever way you see fit.
Page 2:
Humanity is a fragile species,
one that needs constant protection from itself and the surrounding world. The human body is made of soft tissue that is easily pierced and wounded by countless objects, making it one of the most inadequately equipped animals on Earth. Humans are also threatened by their greatest danger, themselves.
The implementation of Cylon models into everyday life will eliminate many of the risks that accompany human existence. It is the goal of Greystone Industries to enable the survival and vivacity of the human race through the use of technology.
Page 3:
Remember, a Cylon is like a Nano, only it can kill you.
Originally assembled to replace human soldiers in combat, these machines are a lethal brand of appliance, not toys. In order to maintain a partnership free from hostility humans must remember some simple guidelines when interacting with Cylons.
Page 4-5:
A healthy Cylon is a happy Cylon.
Ensure that you and your Cylon see lens to lens by following this collection of tips.
1. Treat your Cylon with respect.
Failure to do so could result in the loss of an appendage or, in extreme cases, the loss of your head.
2. Your Cylon will need regular maintenance both physically and mentally. A simple tune up every six months should prevent any mechanical malfunctions along with personality glitches. Your Cylon's precise and calculated actions could become sloppy; and this could have fatal consequences.
3. Tighten screws
4. Sharpen fingers
5. Maintain arm and leg alignment.
6. Oil joints regularly.
7. 6 month evaluation
U87 is not only programmed to emulate human characteristics, but to excel beyond them. an evaluation gives the chance to express your expectations to U87. WARNING: Be cautious in your approach. If at any time U87 feels attacked its only natural it may retaliate.
8. With any programmable machine, there will be correctable defects in its software. Your Cylon should be equipped with any available upgrades, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Failure is futile.
Page 6:
Battery life
Battery life depends solely on your inadequacy. The less used, the longer it lasts. Greystone Industries proudly supports the green movement and offers an energy efficient battery option.
Page 7:
What People Are Saying About Cylons
"I used to sit on my porch all day scaring kids off the farm with a
shotgun. Now, I have a U87 and can find the time to get back to what
I love most, Court TV."
Hank, TN
"Our U87 is like a member of the family but we don't have to feed it, love it
or listen to complaints about taking out the garbage."
Mr. and Mrs. Miller, CA
I thought replacing my cleaning lady with a Cylon would be strange; but now
my silver is always polished and I never have to worry about my
jewelry being stolen.
Linda, CT
Back Cover: When the Cylons enslave mankind, no hard feelings.
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